Battle for Freedom

My troubled Angel...

My girlfriend killed herself yesterday.

I don't know how long I sat at the park, reading and re-reading the note she left at my office.

Her beautiful handwriting making her actions seem so reasonable and justified.

I can't believe she has gone. Less than two days ago, we were making beautiful love on her bed. The thought of suicide never even entered my head when her name was spoken. She was always so happy, so optimistic. We talked about leaving our lives behind, and moving overseas to start a new life together, it almost seemed a realistic possibility.

It was meant to be her 24th birthday tomorrow, I had brought her present over a month ago, hid it in my office, where I knew it would be safe.It was a key. A key to a new apartment for her. I had paid the money out front so that she could live there without paying rent. I would do anything for her. God, I even had the key inscribed, it read- 'To my darling-for a life of luxury'

I had the apartment fully furnished and little presents hidden throughout it. The flowers were to be delivered fresh tomorrow morning, so that when I saw her at lunch, I could take her to her new home, and the smell of fresh flowers would welcome us both.

Red and white roses they were. Red for my love and the white for my respect of her. I wonder what colour the funeral flowers will be? Will they take care, and respect the beautiful woman I love so dearly? Will they destroy her dignity? I cannot bear to think of her lying there, alone and cold in a wooden box for all eternity. She was too good to die.

Why could I not see the signs? Where there signs there that I simply refused to see?

How many times had I looked into her beautiful dark blue eyes and not spotted a thing?

Did she know what lay ahead of her as I held her so tenderly the afternoon before?

Was that goodbye?

I will never know. For now, I have to mask my grief, and act like I know nothing, for my children would not understand why their daddy is upset.

And my wife. She will not know that when I look at her tonight and the tears well up in my eyes, it will not be for my love of her (I do love her) but for my beautiful, secret girlfriend that I will grieve for eternally, until I am rejoined with her.